[life.goes.on]

It’s been a while since I last wrote. I guess things have been good. My job is going well, health as well. I’m going into week 21 without any pain medication. No more codeine, morphine, or opioid. 142 days. That’s a long time. I can't say it was easy or that I don't miss it. Sometimes things get rough and the numbness that comes with those medications is tempting. But I fight it and get on with my life. I always said that I wasn't addicted to meds, but that was a lie. I was lying to everyone around me and to myself because I truly believed that I wasn't. I wasn't popping pills every 5 minutes but I was still taking them when I didn't necessarily need them. Life goes on. Sometimes I wish it didn't.

I’m starting to feel a great need for a boyfriend.I need a boyfriend. Someone to be with me. I know that sometimes my words sounds harsh. When I say that I would take any guy that would come to me, I mean that if I see things going somewhere I won't say no. I’m not one to date. I hate dating. I hate that time period of "maybe". Why would I waste my time "dating" someone if it's not certain that there's going to be something in the end? I would like to do it the other way around. Let's be boyfriends then we can date. At least I can say that I have a boyfriend and that we are spending some time together. I know my way of thinking is bizarre. But I can't be the only gay guy who thinks like this. Can I? I know how it sounds; I’ve heard it all before. But that's the way I see it. Sue me. I want someone to cuddle, kiss, hug, talk, watch tv, eat, and sleep with. Is it too much to ask? I’m thinking I deserve it no?

Graduation is in less than 2 weeks. I’m happy that I’m graduating, but sad that it wasn't from university. I might go back to finish my degree… one day. I’m dying my hair white. Not blonde, white. Platinum white. Snow white… I think you get the picture. Some say it will be ugly, I say fuck you all. YOLO. If I don't like it I’ll dye it back, and even if I don't who the fuck cares. If you don't like then look away. And if I do like it then you might see it white for a long time. I’m thinking about a new piercing too, right beside the one that's left on my lip.

I'm also working on losing weight. It’s not easy since I LOVE to eat. If I could lose 15 pounds this summer I would be happy.

I went on a boat last week for the first time in my life. Must say that I loved it! Really want to do that again, maybe a daylong ride.

I guess I’ve said enough for now. Until next time. 
Bitches.