[skin] - Inside out

inside out
ripped from my skin
feels cold
feels naked

but as we are inside out
we're all the same
we feel all the same
because no more skin
means no more feelings

no more distinctions
no more pain
no more skin
no more sin

[knowledge vs ignorance]

Lately, everyone keeps disappointing me. I don't know if I'm just loosing faith in humankind or just tired of all the bullshit that's going on. The way that some people thinks disgust me. Disrespectful would be a good word to describe their actions. For instance, lately, I've took consciousness of how the expression ''that's gay'' can hurt the people I love. I've never used that expression, but a lot of my friends use it and doesn't realize the impact those words can have in the society. If no one stop and explain to them what it does, they'll just continue using it and being ignorant. But as I try to sensitize everyone around me, some keep arguing that since they don't use that expression against the gays or in a homophobic sense, it's OK to use it. NO, that's the point, it's never OK to use an expression that discriminate a group of person. That makes them less important to others, that separates them. We use that expression to describe something ''stupid''. So being gay is being stupid? They'll answer no, it's just an habit. Just an everyday saying. I try to explain to them the meaning behind it. They get frustrated and starts arguing with me. I'm just doing my job. Trying to help, to prevent. A lot of young teenagers and young adults commit suicide because of words like that. They get the perception that it's bad to be gay. It's dirty, unmoral, against the laws of nature, etc. but it's NOT. It's perfectly normal to be gay. It's not a choice someone would make. Why would someone choose to be different and made fun of? We need to take those stereotypes out of the common mind. The perception that some people have can influence the others that are ignorant as well and those people will influence again some others. If nobody does something to try and kill that expression, it will stay and spread like powder. We are the voice of the future. They are too. We need to explain and make them comprehend that their action are seen and influential. Parent, educator, political figures, celebrities, etc. should understand that the children are listening to every words that are coming out of their mouth and imitates them. The media is the most influential process that exist in the 21th century. As time goes by, I'm loosing faith in humankind. They never learn, and those who does are trying their best, but they are crush by the majority, who don't give a shit. We can only hope that the ones that does learn will go far and do something about it. If not, are we doomed ?

[trying]

It's been two month since I've died. Living after that is hard. Knowing what's been and what I've lost is painful. I've had a hard time opening myself to people, but i'm getting better. Taking one day at a time, but at the same time, knowing there's a tomorrow hurts as well. Carrying those thoughts and secrets. Bearing the silence of shame and pain. Sometimes I wish I would just go to sleep and never wake up. Living in my dreams would be better. adventures, love, magics, etc. happens when I sleep. Too bad life is boring. I've reconnect with an old friend of mine. I can truly say that I've miss her a lot in the past few years. She's one of the few pieces of my past that I never want to forget. Another good thing that happened, 2 weeks ago, I went and got myself a kitten. Cutest little thing on earth! We named him Elliot (after the mule deer Elliot in open season), and he's a ginger. He'll be 8 weeks old tomorrow (Friday). The other cats seems to be comfortable with him which is a good thing. Like the title of this post says, i'm trying. Trying to think positively everyday (which seems impossible for me), trying to be optimistic about stuff and life and most important of all, trying to live. Live everyday to the fullest. Even tho people gets in my way. I just ignore them and feel sorry for them. Sorry because they're ignorant; living with old values. I've also recently joined the LGBT group on campus, called UNsurDIX (one on ten). I am now an Executive! They few times I've meet with those people where awesome. Finally a place where some understand some of my pain, worries, goals, etc.


Right now the littles things that makes me happy are quality time with my sister (watching Sailor Moon) hahaha, playing on my old gameboy color (brings back a lot of memories) and spending times with my dearest friends. Even thought some days don't goes like planed, I try to take the good stuff of it and be thankful.