[trying]

It's been two month since I've died. Living after that is hard. Knowing what's been and what I've lost is painful. I've had a hard time opening myself to people, but i'm getting better. Taking one day at a time, but at the same time, knowing there's a tomorrow hurts as well. Carrying those thoughts and secrets. Bearing the silence of shame and pain. Sometimes I wish I would just go to sleep and never wake up. Living in my dreams would be better. adventures, love, magics, etc. happens when I sleep. Too bad life is boring. I've reconnect with an old friend of mine. I can truly say that I've miss her a lot in the past few years. She's one of the few pieces of my past that I never want to forget. Another good thing that happened, 2 weeks ago, I went and got myself a kitten. Cutest little thing on earth! We named him Elliot (after the mule deer Elliot in open season), and he's a ginger. He'll be 8 weeks old tomorrow (Friday). The other cats seems to be comfortable with him which is a good thing. Like the title of this post says, i'm trying. Trying to think positively everyday (which seems impossible for me), trying to be optimistic about stuff and life and most important of all, trying to live. Live everyday to the fullest. Even tho people gets in my way. I just ignore them and feel sorry for them. Sorry because they're ignorant; living with old values. I've also recently joined the LGBT group on campus, called UNsurDIX (one on ten). I am now an Executive! They few times I've meet with those people where awesome. Finally a place where some understand some of my pain, worries, goals, etc.


Right now the littles things that makes me happy are quality time with my sister (watching Sailor Moon) hahaha, playing on my old gameboy color (brings back a lot of memories) and spending times with my dearest friends. Even thought some days don't goes like planed, I try to take the good stuff of it and be thankful.